I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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