Got a toothbrush?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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