And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
