low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
