hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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