There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
