How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
