I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
