Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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