some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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