watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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