And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's paint friendship bongs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
