she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
