You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
