All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
