they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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