The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
