Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And then my night got REAL pukey
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
