The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
