oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
