i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
