I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
