Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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