Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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