Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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