I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
