Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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