Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
