So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
