Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
