Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
