i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
