Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
