Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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