If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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