apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize