He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
