I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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