i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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