Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
be right there i have to get my cape
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
