making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
