So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
