You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
