Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
