yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
