Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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