I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
