At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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