So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
