i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
