I think I am morally bankrupt
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
