Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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