Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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