So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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