sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
