how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
