Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
