You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
