Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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