suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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