I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
