Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
