so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
