So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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