On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
