I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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