I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
