Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
