why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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