If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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