If that was your dad, he is hot
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
