There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
