Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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