The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think my tv is drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
