you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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