Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
