Quick, to the slutcave!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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