dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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