Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
