I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
