I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
