Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize