What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
