Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
