o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
