Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
