I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
