y did u give ur computer a hand job?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
