She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
