my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
