YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
