so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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