it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
