and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
