lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this will be a night to untag.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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