I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
