Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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