Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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