I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
