Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
