glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
