it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
