Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
